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New Premier League rules are NUTS + Guendouzi bust-up stuff

Good morning everyone. I watched some football last night as Man Utd beat Chelsea and I have to admit that I was unaware of a crucial rule change in the game of football. I know we’ve done the goal kick thing and drop ball thing, but I can’t believe that as someone who writes about football every day I missed this particular amendment to the laws of the game. I feel quite foolish actually, but I suppose it’s good to hold your hands up and acknowledge when you’ve fallen short. I have done so, and for that I apologise.

I just would have thought that it might have made more headlines, but maybe they wanted to keep things low key. Anyway, here we are now, and from now on it appears that it is perfectly legal to thrust your studs into an opponent’s testicles without any sanction whatsoever. It doesn’t matter how VAR looks at it – or how many times – booting your opponent in the bollix is quite fine.

I look forward to the rest of this season when there will be goolie busting, knackered knackers, pounded plums, busted gonads, thwacked nuts, clobbered cojones (watch out Troy Deeney!), bruised bawbags, and swollen sweetbreads up and down the Premier League.

Our thanks…